#and from your perspective you have been drowning in stuff for so long and your thrashing instincts are kicking in

[randomyuu]

the way it follows you home, the stories i never told

My guy Vox once again graced us with lovely Goyuu fanfics, and the way it follows you home, the stories i never told, made me go FERAL.

Time travel? Two Gojou Satorus? Double affection for our sunshine Yuuji? Yuuji sandwich? What feels like possible continuation of (you'll whisper, serpent tongue) what you fear you have become???

FUCK.

I need to stop indulging my imagination too much. I should’ve been content with writing long-ass comments but noooooo, my brain goes “you gotta draw it”. DAMMIT VOX, YOU AND YOUR DELICIOUS WRITINGS HHHHHH

So… usually I should’ve picked a favourite scene that is within my drawing capability, but I just… love all three chapters??? So I made a questionable time investment? I can’t stop??? Help???

This is probably the most ambitious fanart project I’ve ever done so far. Fair enough, considering I might combust if I keep these welled-up emotions inside from reading Vox’s Goyuu fics. Fuck.

Fic info:

Title: the way it follows you home, the stories i never told

Author: @voxofthevoid

Pairing: YuuGoGo. Future!Yuuji, Future!Gojou, Teen!Gojou

(idk why I laugh writing YuuGoGo. I’m beyond help)

Currently, it is 3 chapters out of 8. And it’s gonna be NSFW chapter 4 onwards, so don’t forget to read the tags first, folks!

The drawings are under Read More, because I have lots of thoughts surrounding each chapter and drawings. It’ll be hella long if I didn’t hide it here. It was a mess down there. A combination of hours before, during, and after I read said fic. I’d say good luck finding the art among the sea of jumbled words but… you’ll find them easily. Don’t worry about it haha

SPOILERS FOR ALL 3 CHAPTERS! I highly recommend reading those first before diving into these drawings!

Also for the comics, read from right to left please!

From here on, I will be referring to the Future!Gojou as Gojou and the teenage one as Satoru.

Overall, drawing all these is fun! Really fun! This project pushed me quite hard, forcing me to test my limit (because I rarely draw this much back to back). Since this is a combination of drawings and comics, the coloring style will not be consistent. In a way, I want to try some brushes I never get to use, as well as try out my new graphic tablet. Drawing these got me giggling because I was finally able to let loose during line art. It's much easier to do so, and sometimes I just get to reread the fic and giggle to myself for the nth time.

CHAPTER 1:

Whooo. Whooooooooo—

Ok, ok, the premise is just that good. It intrigued me, fascinated me, and I just… oomph. I cannot refuse a Time Travel Yuuji Sandwich. Sign me up.

Honestly, there are two scenes that are just… a bit too clear in my mind when reading this chapter. That would be the one I drew above, and the other is when Yaga called Gojou to come outside of the class. I love, loooove how Vox wrote Satoru’s POV. And when Yuuji fucking giggles?

I lost it.

Can you imagine, drawing Yuuji grins, with shiny stuff, maybe some sunlight, just purely happy and indulging Gojou?

Help me, for I am drowning in my love and adoration for Yuuji.

Page 2 is an experiment on using harsh black as shading (kind of?). I really enjoyed colouring Yuuji, and drawing those buffalo skulls! I wish I can grasp the concept of contrast a bit better tho :v

CHAPTER 2:

This is probably the only chapter where I picture still images instead of comic panels. A bit like those cool chapter covers in mangas. The one I really, really want to draw is the scene with Satoru on the table. Can’t pass the opportunity to highlight Satoru being a brat, albeit a really cool brat.

Cool idea drawing always proves to be a challenge, because of course my artistic skill just so happens to be below the requirement. Thank you, Sketchfab, for the chair and desk’s perspective otherwise I’m screwed lmao

The second scene that I want to draw the most is this:

Gojou is one step away from climbing Yuuji. Also, I have a bit of a problem picturing a man pouting that makes him look crazy instead, so please have Gojou pouting adorably instead. Because, as Yuuji said (with love), Gojou is (also) a brat.

This is possibly my favorite art in this project, after Yuuji's in Chapter 1 page 2. It's clean because I don't have to draw background, and I was having a fun time drawing Yuuji. And Gojou's squishy cheek as well.

Oh, actually, there is a “manga” scene in this chapter. It’s when Yuuji said, “I love Satoru.”

I just—

AAAAAHHHHH YUUJIIIIIII YOU AND VOX ARE GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME. That secure relationship between Yuuji and Gojou? Satoru’s description of how Yuuji’s smile could blot out the sun??? Not me screaming 💀 I also see bits of hints of possible co-dependency, though I could be reading those wrong, but either way I’m good. Secure and possessive relationships are fun to consume hhhhhh

But yeah. There are too many wholesome Yuuji smiles in this fic, and I… I am not confident enough to draw genuine happiness. It’s too much for me ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

For this chapter, another reason why I chose these two scenes is just because I want to try and draw cover-worthy pictures of Yuuji and Satoru, and Yuuji and Gojou (cough)

CHAPTER 3:

We start the chapter with Nanamin. Ah, Nanamin. I forgot what his teen self looked like and was surprised to see his design again lmao

I want to draw Yuuji and Nanami scene because… I just want to, I guess. I have never drawn him before (Yaga as well) so that's an interesting challenge. I got two ideas on how I want to draw it. One is a bit painting-esque, and the other one is like another chapter cover. In the end, I chose the cover one because I want to emphasise the difference between teen!Nanami and the Nanami from Yuuji’s original timeline, and how the watch feels like a connection between the same (yet not) person. It’s a bittersweet feeling? In a way?

I’m not really good at explaining my intention ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

I love Yuuji’s answer to Nanami's question.

AND FINALLY.

A Yuuji SandwichTM scene.

And oh B O I do I love it. Have I told you I like every chapter? I probably have. But this one? Satoru’s curiosity, Yuuji’s on-brand self-deprecation, and Gojou come strolling down to show more of Yuuji to his mini-self. I want to draw this whole scene, from Gojou finding them, feeding Yuuji snacks, bitch-slapping Satoru into the backroom, to Yuuji growling. Them trying to hide a boner from Yuuji’s growl got me cackling so hard I LOVE IT 😭

I love it all. Please love Yuuji in my stead, Satoru and Satonyan :3

Oh! Also! 40-finger Yuuji sounds really, really cool! I’ll be happy with whatever Vox will give us in future chapters, but 40-finger Yuuji… possible scene with this timeline’s Sukuna… my god. The action! The drama! The bloodshed! One can only hope.

However, as much as I love that whole scene, it’s still too much for me :”) I’m still not yet confident in delivering the humour and action. Also my already-long drawing plan had my brain groaning in protest so I can’t push my luck :'D

When Gojou said "He looks sweet, but he's a bit of a beast", I kept picturing Yuuji staring innocently, but there was an edge to his look. As if the moment Satoru looks away, he will pounce. But in the end I just stick with innocent-looking Yuuji because I accidentally drew his eyes that way and I want to keep it in lol

Since Satoru points out how soft and cuddly Yuuji is, I also want to draw soft Yuuji :v

And the last one… is the last scene. For some reason, I read that both Gojou and Satoru share Yuuji’s lap and was having a frustrating yet fun time figuring out how it’s… physically possible, without having their butts on the ground because they both are not small at all. As I lined the art, I reread it again and… perhaps I read it wrong? Satoru is beside Yuuji, and not on his lap? So yeah, this one might be the least accurate, but hey, at least you can view it as a crack drawing or something :v

AAAANNNDDD I HAVE EXCEEDED TODAY’S BRAIN CAPACITY OF FORMING WORDS

Have I told you I love this fic?

…I probably have.

Have an amazing week (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*

[ambermeh]

The argument

Chris Sturniolo (basically part three of the chris texts)

Summary: When you arrive at Chris' will the two of you work out the differences you have?

Content: just fluff mainly and a bit of arguing.

Once you had started to get into the car, you realised how much you really loved Chris and felt almost annoyed that you had let a petty argument with Chris spiral this much. You two had often had little spats and Chris and you had always made up one way or another. Never communicating your actual feelings. From being friends for a few months to becoming each others partners, the two of you were in one of the most serious relationships and you didn't want to ruin it by lacking understanding.

As you were driving, the conversation you had heard between Matt and Chris played in your head, mocking your complete trust, and perhaps naivety, towards Chris and the relationship in general.

'she's been getting too involved with stuff recently, clinging onto me and not letting me have a moment to breathe'

'I mean from her perspective we have been going away a lot, but she does seem to be hanging around you more often'

'and every time we do see each other, she always starts fights and, to be honest, she's been really dramatic. Every time I try to speak about it she starts crying and being emotional'

The rest of the conversation drowns out as you replay the words. Over and over and over. Until the emotions just spill out and the tears come with it. The moment you questioned the love he always professed with such promise, shattered by a moment of frustration. Would it have to end?

The car coming to a stop as you composed yourself and got braced for the worst if there was no relationship to fight for.

His eyes meet yours as he opens the door, a deep blue that feels all too familiar as you look away. His arm outstretching as he questions the puffy eyes and the reddish tint over your face.

'you've been crying, haven't you y/n?'

As you nod, the emotions threaten to consume you again but you block them out. You are here to talk. Not cry.

'anyway, we need to talk Chris, there's no point in trying to console me if we're gonna end this argument the same as all the rest of them and remain in the same position'

His face displays an almost hurt expression, but at the same time he nods as you start to tell him what has been affecting you. Starting with the long nights and not seeing him, then moving onto how you don't want him to feel suffocated with the amount of time you spend with him. The both of you agree that you should both set aside time to spend with each other in a week.

'you know that I don't feel suffocated when I see you'

'you literally said that whenever we spend time together I create an argument because I'm dramatic'

Hand reaching for the back of his head, while he almost whinces at the memory. His head shakes as he explains that the reason he did this was because of all the emotions he was feeling and that you were never meant to hear it.

You pause.

'so you do this a lot'

He looks confused.

so you elaborate. 'talk shit about me behind my back to your brothers'

'you're twisting my words, I would have never said that to you because I didn't and don't mean it and was letting off steam. I know you do the same with your friends'

'but the difference is that your brothers are my friends as well so it makes me a bit uncomfortable that you would do it when you knew I was in the house and I could just hear one of my friends and my boyfriend talking bad about me'

After a few moments of just empty silence, he looks at you, with a hopeful look, and asks if the air has been cleared between the two of you. You nod, but add that the two of you need to be more open and honest with each other if the relationship will work.

His smile is infectious as the warmth of it spreads through your body. You lean over and hug him tightly, allowing the new and more stable side of your relationship put your mind at ease. Pushing away the overwhelming doubt and worry you have had for the last few days. His face leans in as you two kiss. Both of you sigh at the contact as you delivers a deep but short kiss to you. Then a kiss on the forehead as he brings you in for an embrace, which allows you to take in the scent that brings calmness to you almost immediately.

'I will never stop loving you'

He whispers into the embrace and your ear.

(plus thank you @enchanthings for the banner)

[youngstarfishphilosopher]

CONSTANCE HATCHAWAY X CHILD READER: HEADCANNONS

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

Back on my hm headcannons stuff. Now with this lovely and psychotic lady 🥰.

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

- Constance hatchaway never really wanted to have children. So when she found out she was pregnant, she wasn't the happiest.

- Even so, she pushed through the pregnancy and had you; her one and only baby.

- It took a little while for her to warm up to you. But when she did, she was all over you.

- You with your little, toothless smile and chubby little cheeks.

- You are the child of both her as well as George Hightower: Her 5th husband. Seeing as he's the only one of her husbands who stuck around long enough.

- Speaking of her other husband's, she rarely talks about them, especially with you. You don't need to know about them: they're unimportant.

- Though one day, when you're about seven, your curiosity gets the best of you and you go up to the attic and order to check it out, despite your mother forbidding it.

- You immediately regretted it as you were quickly scared away, be it by accident, by the appearance of four headless men: all blue and see-through.

- You didn't tell your mother or father of your encounter. And you also never went into the attic agian.

- You and her would often have outings by the river, otentimes having picnics. Though she would always scold you for going to close to the river in fear that you might accidentally fall in and drown.

- Spoils you ROTTEN

- How could she not? After all, all the years of her . . . Endeavors. . . Give her all the materials she needs to do so.

- The two of you will normally sit down for a drink and talk about your days together. It's calm and a rather nice time.

- When you are a child, she loves brushing and doing your hair. She was often the one helping you get ready for events.

-Constance's perspective on romance isn't the best, to say the least. Which sours your view on the topic a bit as well.

-You were sixteen when your father died. Though you had caught him in the act of infidelity - cheating in your mother with another woman - his death still left some form of grief in your heart.

- Though your mother was not sad in the slightest. Rather she was quite happy.

- You couldn't blame her, to be honest. Your father had been unfaithful to her.

- And eventually, as the years continue to fly by, constance passes from old age as you yourself become the main inheritor of the mansion.

- You often miss your mother.

- Even though she was a murderer, she was no less of a good mother to you. A mother who gave you an exceptional childhood.

[balloonstand]

Rank Me [Buddie (1.5k)]

His breathing hadn't even slowed yet – shit, he had barely gotten his vision back after the whiteout of his orgasm, the sublimity of wiping out on a wave of pleasure and being drowned in it – when Eddie felt Buck staring at him. If this was a time for jokes, he would've said something about Buck trying to burn two holes in his head with his eyes. So he could fuck them too, or whatever. The joke was underdeveloped; give him a break, he'd just had his whole life perspective scrambled around and shot out the tip of his dick like fifteen seconds ago.

"What," he said. He panted. He had to get his breathing back to normal otherwise this was going to go straight to Buck's head.

"I want to ask you something."

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut. He could hear Buck's question already: so, does this mean you're gay? Are you going to come out now? Are you gay? Are you gay? As calmly as he could, Eddie said, "Let's just be quiet for a couple minutes, huh?"

"It's sort of important. Important that I ask it quickly, I mean."

"More important than letting me bask in the afterglow?"

Eddie still had his eyes shut, but he could extrapolate from the sounds of Buck shifting on the sheets and the little breath he let out and the years of reading Buck's reactions with a careful, attentive eye that Buck was preening at that. He wasn't doing a great job of not feeding Buck's ego.

"That's sort of the point," Buck said opaquely. "That's why I need to ask you now."

"Ask whatever you want, but I reserve the right not to answer," Eddie said tightly. That afterglow was leaking away now, being forced aside by the vise grip settling around his lungs. Are you gay now, Eddie? Are you gonna tell people about it?

Buck asked, "Where do I rank?"

Eddie's eyes opened of their own accord. The paint on the ceiling had a narrow crack in it that he had never noticed before. "Excuse me?"

"Top five maybe?" Buck's voice was easy and hopeful. How he managed to combine those two, Eddie would never know. Hopeful sat a long way down the table from easy for him, personally.

"Like-" Eddie took a breath "-sexually?"

"Yeah."

Eddie thought about killing him. This time he couldn't keep his voice steady and calm, and it came out thick and rough. And not the thick-and-rough that it had been a few minutes before when he was saying shit that made him so sound stupid now that he was looking back on it, stuff like oh god- please- yes- harder. This was like he was forcing his voice through a cheese grater just to say, "You know I don't have anything to compare it to. So sure, top five."

Buck smacked him lightly on the arm. "I meant in general, dumbass. Like, where did that rank for you in terms of blowjobs."

Eddie lifted his head off the pillow and looked Buck square in the eye. "You want me to rank your blowjob on the scale of every blowjob I've ever had."

"Yeah. Ever in your whole life."

Eddie dropped his head back to the pillow and found that crack in the paint again with his eyes. "Yours was the best one."

Buck blew out an exasperated breath. "I'm being serious. You're not gonna hurt my feelings. But if I want to improve-"

"We're not doing this."

"I wont rank you," Buck said. He shifted around a bit in the periphery of Eddie's vision. "Unless you want me to-"

"No," Eddie said firmly.

"-but I like knowing. It doesn't bother me, I really do like it." He caught Eddie's eye and held it. Eddie could see the competitiveness in Buck's look. He wanted to win.

Eddie thought about it for a second. If Buck wanted to hurt his own feelings, was Eddie supposed to stop him? Well, yes. Of course. But sometimes you needed to let someone touch a hot stove to learn that it could burn them.

He'd tell him the truth. Just as soon as he could figure out what it was. There was still enough lingering afterglow that it was easy to remember everything that Buck had just done, to slip back there in his memory and feel the urgent wet heat of Buck's mouth on his cock.

He'd been eager, much more so than the women that Eddie had been with usually were. The shine in his eyes as he went down on his knees and took a long, hungry look at Eddie's cock- Eddie shivered remembering it. His dick twitched in a valiant effort, but no chance, not after the orgasm he'd just had.

"I don't know," Eddie said. It was just a stock phrase. Something to say while he was reliving the feeling of Buck's hands steadying his hips as he leaned forward, lips parting. "Top five." Maybe that was putting it mildly, but he really didn't know. He didn't remember every blowjob he'd ever received.

"Okay," Buck said. His voice dipped down. "What was good about it?"

"The cock sucking." Eddie had to turn his face away slightly. He was too old to be getting embarrassed talking about this shit. But he was also half out-of-body experiencing having this conversation with a guy. With Buck, even.

Buck chuckled. "What should I do again, Eddie? Next time, I mean."

Eddie smiled privately, his face still turned away. He couldn't help it. Next time. It gave him the daring to say, "Next time I want you to start the same way."

"Yeah? The lazy way?" Buck was smiling, he could hear it.

"Yeah, very lazy." Eddie turned so Buck could see that he was joking. That he had been joking when Buck had had one hand loosely wrapped around his cock, stroking him slowly up and down the shaft as he had sucked on the head of it, and Eddie had said, If you're gonna suck me then suck me. Don't be lazy. "I knew that would get you fired up. Knew it would make you want to show me."

"Show you?"

"What your best was like."

"And how was my best?" Buck asked softly.

Hot. Hungry. Spontaneous too, like he was doing everything because he wanted to feel it himself. It wasn't like Eddie had been with scores of women, but the ones he had been with all had their different go-to's of what previous partners had liked, and what they assumed all men would therefore want. Buck blew him like he had a mile-long list of things he wanted to try and couldn't decide what he wanted to do first.

"Good," Eddie said, with feeling. "You're not shy."

"And you liked that?"

He loved it. He needed it.

Eddie flipped over and pressed his face into the skin of Buck's hip. He breathed in the smell of him and felt the damp sheen of sweat that was still to fresh to have dried. "I liked it when you got sloppy. You were so focused on my cock you didn't realized when you started drooling." He let the words come out in a rush and disappear into Buck's skin. He kissed Buck's hip to seal them in.

"And when you had me all the way down your throat, and you-" his voice hitched "-started licking my balls. Buck, I-" He shook his head. "Fuck, do that too next time."

"Mm," Buck murmured, like remembering it from his end was as hot as it was from Eddie's. "You're big, Eddie, but not too big for me." He sounded smug. "You're perfect."

You're perfect. Eddie half-remembered saying that to Buck as Buck finished working his way inside of Eddie and paused to give him a second to adjust. Or maybe he had said, this is perfect. Had he said that out loud? He hoped so.

"I liked how much you liked it," Eddie said.

"I loved it."

"It was like you wanted it."

"I wanted it, Eddie. I want it again and again and again. I could blow you every day and never get enough."

Eddie squeezed Buck's leg and pressed his face harder into his hip, like he could disappear into Buck.

"I loved the taste of you, and the feel of you in my mouth. I loved how you held my head with both of your hands. Next time you should hold me like that as you fuck my mouth." Buck's hand rested on Eddie's head and he began to stroke his hair as he spoke. He grabbed a gentle handful of Eddie's hair. "Hold me like this. If you want."

"Yeah," Eddie breathed. "Or next time you hold me like that and fuck my face."

"Yeah?"

"Only if you rank me afterward."

Buck laughed.

[talenlee]

What Makes A Person?

Iron enough to make a nail, Lime enough to paint a wall, Water enough to drown a dog, Sulphur enough to stop the fleas,

Wintersmith, Terry Pratchett

In The Locked Tomb, the world is a place where necromancers exist, and with them, a whole wing of scientific inquiry into the repeatable, provable, testable existence of the human soul. This is the scientific breakthrough — and it is scientific! — that defines the whole of the world and opens the door to the question about what is a person, now?

Spoiler Warning: I’m going to discuss some pretty important spoilers for the first three books of The Locked Tomb (Gideon the Ninth, Harrow the Ninth, and Nona the Ninth). These are major plot points and revelations. If you’re holding off reading the books or something, this article is going to give away pretty relevant information.

Potash enough to wash a shirt, Gold enough to buy a bean, Silver enough to coat a pin,

Wintersmith, Terry Pratchett

Okay, in Nona the Ninth, the audience learns about the history of how necromancy entered the world, and specifically, where it came from. We already know that Jod is a millenial twitch streamer, and, yes, there’s a lot to talk about there but we also know that his foundational perspective is science. For all that Jod is running a religion that started as a cult (because they all do), fundamentally, the mindset he has is a scientific one that talks about cause and effect. The people in Jod’s world are dedicated to studying necromancy, because necromancy is a thing with predictable, provable, and repeatable true things.

Souls are real and you can do stuff with them, and there are aspects of what a soul is and how it works that lets you do stuff. This can be big things like the whole thanergy farming of a whole dying world, or it can be small things like the pushing of a soul out of a body to use it like a big bag of power juice. What’s more, a mind is not necessarily just the preserved echo of a mind, but we also know that minds and souls affect one another, and so does the body. Commander Wake’s end of life emotional distress we’ll say shaped the way her ghost behaved, and Harrow’s ghost suffers the same hallucinations immaterially that she experienced while alive. This is because Harrow is schizophrenic, and well, I’ve spoken about the distinction between minds and souls in the past. For Harrow’s soul to have schizophrenia, and Harrow’s brain to express the problems of schizophrenia, there needs to be some mechanism for those things to interact.

Second to that, we’ve been told by the author directly in a memorable ‘happy meal’ comparison, that souls are not entirely discrete units. When we have Kiriona alive, and Gideon’s body elsewhere, and her soul in part being tied to Harrow, that’s a way in which the soul of Gideon can exist in multiple ‘places’ at once. Notably, though, this would suggest those souls recognise distance — that being separated from one another has an effect suggests that souls aren’t spaceless. That means they’re not timeless either, because they can be affected by sequences of events. Bad luck, protestants, the Locked Tomb doesn’t have your god in it (maybe).

Now, this does suggest a world of a kind of meaty trinities, where a person is simultaneous three things. We see in Nona that a person can be pulled apart and put back together with different parts, but also, that those parts don’t necessarily follow one from another. We don’t see signs that Nona is schizophrenic, but also we don’t get a long form view of her life, and she sure has a bunch of sensory issues. A normal fandom interpretation is that Nona doesn’t like eating food because she hates being meat, but it’s entirely possible that this is being diluted by the way the brain her soul is currently steering has those bumps in it Ianthe mentions.

Lead enough to ballast a bird, Phosphor enough to light the town, Poison enough to kill a cow,

Wintersmith, Terry Pratchett

There’s another complication in all this, which is the form of Teacher. Teacher is very evidently a person, but Teacher is a bunch of souls in a body. The constructs around the First House are also piles of bones with souls in them, but they don’t seem to have any kind of personality. That means that a soul is not necessarily something that creates a guiding personality.

That means that you can be a thing that’s a person with fifty souls (Teacher), so a single guiding soul is not a part of personhood necessarily, even if a person has a bunch of souls stuck in their body (Harrow,). What’s more complicated there is our example of the character who gives us insight into this space is Harrow, who hasn’t had a mentally well, perception-trustable day in her life. Literally never when we see Harrow’s perspective on anything is that Harrow a human with whole access to information and an ability to wholly trust her sense data.

I don’t think the books are going to provide a specific explanation for the mechanisms of this necromantic technology. Also, for all that I’m sitting here going ‘there’s bodies, there’s minds, there’s souls,’ that’s entirely possible that there’s a whole bunch of other things and the story is just being filtered through people. What’s more, we know that things that aren’t people have minds and souls in this world — you know, there are the Resurrection Beasts, which are basicaly kaiju ghost monsters in space made by murdering a planet.

We know bodies affect minds, we know minds affect souls, we know souls affect bodies. What’s especially interesting is one of the things we know souls do to bodies is to keep something out. There’s a monster lurking in all of reality, and it is waiting for a chance to exist, but the only way it can exist, as best we can see, is in the places souls currently are.

Strength enough to build a home, Time enough to hold a child, Love enough to break a heart.”

Wintersmith, Terry Pratchett

In Wintersmith, the story tells about the idea of a personality, an identity, which not only lacks a body, but also lacks something inherently aware of what being alive means. Without spoiling that book, the poem that runs through the story considers a human, a person, in terms of the pieces that make them up. It’s a little sing-song story that considers the chemical materiality of a person and then ties them together with the things they do.

In The Locked Tomb, there’s a scientist breaking the world apart and running it by the way that makes sense to him. He views the world in terms of human resources, in a very pure way.

People aren’t what they do. People are what they’re for.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[softantlers]

me again yes yes... younger trans person (ytp) anon... hahahaha ytp anon... unless nobody knows what a ytp is anymore, then that joke will fall quite flat

but for starters, this post: https://www.tumblr.com/softantlers/786795964843343872/i-am-once-again-here-to-tell-you-that-if-you-have?source=share

THANK YOU FOR SAYING IT. i've received nasty messages from people in the past who would comment on my best writing always having the worst aspects, and the "worst aspects" were always just trans headcanons 😭 i fear that hc'ing a popular character as transmasc because i see myself in them and feel comforted by that is NOT hurting anyone worse than, y'know, actual bigotry. it's sort of a 'kim, there's people that are dying' moment, so thank you so much for summing it up perfectly.

secondly: TYSM FOR THE LAST MESSAGE! I DID NOT KNOW ABOUT CHRYSALIS QUARTERLY! i went through a lot of the volumes (i especially loved vol 2, no. 2 because of all the FTM / transmasc perspectives) and man... it was so cool to see that our history is still preserved. we've always existed!! we will always exist!! god, that's so awesome. it's the little things that'll make you feel so much better. the dallas denny interview was also so cool, she IS a real one 😭

tl;dr though, your writing is awesome and you've created a wonderful safe space for the trans community on your page. hats off to you!! can't wait for nat as daddy meta

cheers!

younger trans person anon, how i adore you.

i do fear that our generations are clashing because while i am definitely older than you, you might have hit a blurry spot for me on the internet. (i haven't been on tumblr since i was a teenager and briefly young 20s.) what is ytp??? urban dictionary... did not help me.

and YES. i'm glad that post was meaningful to you. trans exclusion is probably the profoundest movement toward majoring the minor that i've seen in a creative space in a very long time. i would go as far to say that you hc'ing characters as trans is good and important and meaningful (not just for yourself but for the others who will benefit from seeing themselves too) and it is actually not comparable to any sort of bigotry. i'm sorry you've gotten any bullshit about your art/creativity, and tbh i hope you remember that for every asshole who doesn't get it and wants to tear you down, there's another trans person who is going to appreciate the rep you're sharing. and that?? that's worth a million times more than some cis person being offended lmfaooo.

yes god, yes god! chrysalis!!! oh younger trans anon, now that i've got you onto the digital transgender archive, the places we can goooo. i've shared a lot of transfeminine rep, but some transmasc stuff that's REALLY fucking cool:

rupert raj was a mixed race trans activist in canada! he was a therapist???? he also did a lot of cool mutual aid organizing for transmascs and was super active in the 80s. we have!! always been here!!

YEAH. i'll have to brush up on chrysalis and read the volume you mentioned. it is really heartening to see those who came before us share their perspectives. <33 i'm glad you liked!!

also gahhhh younger trans anon, i'm going to drown you in recommendations if you don't stop me. so isaac fellman is an author who actually works for the digital transgender archive. he wrote a book called dead collections which is about a vampire transmasc archivist. it is... really messy book? some people don't like it because it's weird, but -squints eyes, gestures- i like weird.

in any case, it is GENUINELY SO FUNNY. and also!! the representation is... hmm... not as binary as what i normally see, so i really appreciated it. i actually got to beta it as part of this library program thing i'm forgetting the name of, so i'm not sure what the final story is like, but it was pretty good when i read it!

GAH bless you for the writing compliments. thank you for writing trans stuff too!! im cooking the nat as daddy meta soooo good today don't you worry.

[voiceofthe-silly]

Fanart of Nightmare from Slay The Princess!

This sucks and was mostly done to distract from a panic attack and has the quality of a quick doodle despite taking 2 hours (though I suspect most of it was spent drawing that damn hand) but it was fun :3.

I did trace over the face sprite for parts of her face as I suck as I wanted to stay true to the original artstyle for that part but I couldn’t be bothered to study it for 2 seconds, but I consider this piece more of a perspective and rendering practice rather than a full artwork.

TW gore is discussed in my uncessarily-long ramble about the game. Though that isn’t too surprising considering the name of the game.

This game is awesome yippee. I rewatched a play through of it recently and it’s even better than I remember lol. The new stuff added in Pristine Cut is great, especially the Cage! I love that not picking up her head gives you an actual ending relating to it rather than taking you to Drowned Grey for some reason lol, as much as I love the Grey chapters. Also the voices are so fun. I love Voices of the Paranoid and Cold, and Voices of the Hero and Skeptic are great! I don’t have much of an opinion on the others, except that I hate Voice of the Stubborn with a passion. And the art is actually so impressive. Ome single person (to my knowledge) drew and animated thousands of incredible art pieces on paper, by hand is so freaking cool. Even the Beast, who is one of the princesses I do not like as much, is such a great experience for me to watch playthroughs of purely due to the wonderful artwork in each and every chapter. And the fact that almost everything throughout the game remains in monotone colours makes it all the more effective when injuries occur and a bright red infiltrates the dull tones of the screen. This is especially done well when she starts cutting her arm or head off suddenly (primarily the latter, as I believe that is entirely unprovoked and not discussed beforehand) because it’s so sudden and disturbing, even more so if it’s one of your first playthroughs.

Anyways Nightmare and Moment of Clarity are probably my favourite parts of the game. Idk why. They’re just really cool imo. Voice of the Paranoid really got to shine in this chapter, which is epic considering he was already my favourite voice (excluding Voice of the Cold, my beloved). I did include his “Heart, lungs, liver, nerves” phrase in the artwork as it’s definitely a key element of the chapter. I also may or may not have been listening to an hour-long recording of this phrase being said over and over as I drew. The idea that the Voice of the Paranoid is the one that ends up saving our life throughout the entire chapter because the paranoia he experiences and embodies results in him recognising this massive threat and attempting all he can to prevent it from occurring is just really cool and awesome use of his character. The Voice of the Hero attempting to repeat the phrase is so funny to me. In fact, the voice acting in general is amazing, but especially in this chapter! Nightmare’s voice is so haunting, and the way you can hear Voice of the Paranoid permanently in the background is such a cool effect. You can audibly hear his voice crack, his tone rising as he panics, the fear and upset he experiences when Nightmare goes too close to the Player and as he desperately attempts to keep his body working throughout all of this. It’s epic. Plus, the overall voice acting outside of this scene is great. The way the actor of both the Voices/Narrator (whom I do not know the name of and primarily refer to as The British Guy) and the Princesses can voice so many unique characters yet still effectively manage to make them sound seperate and somewhat identifiable is impressive and greatly adds to the immersion of the game. It’s clear that their range is spectacular. Nightmare is also just such a fun Princess, idk how to describe it. She seems like such an actual, direct threat to the Player (I mean, your body literally shuts down when we she comes near) and the overall writing is impressive.

but yeah. Rlly cool game. Not so cool fanart but I tried kinda maybe. I can do weird shading and weird hands sometimes, so that’s a win possibly. This ramble is incredibly long for no good reason but I can’t be bothered to re-read it and cut out the unnecessary parts, and I put too much time into this post to simply discard it. Idrc if anyone reads it lol, ramblibg like this is the only way I don’t implode from thr hyperfixations. Anyways farewell.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

A Conversation with My Twin About Not Me and Twinship

My twin sister @porridgefeast and I had a discussion over chat about our thoughts on Not Me and how it handled issues of twinship. This is a transcript of our conversation. It's been tidied up a bit and we left out some personal tangents and stuff, but it's still a chat transcript, so there's crosstalk and stuff. I've added some explanatory notes using asterisks here and there. Our tumblr handles have been shortened and color-coded for ease of reading.

This is long! If you don't have the setting enabled where long posts get shortened in your feed, you might be scrolling for a while.

Porridge and I have both done a lot of thinking and had a lot of discussions about twinship over the years, including the portrayal of twins in media. I'm also a mother of twins, which gives me another perspective on this stuff. We're both avid BL watchers but Porridge is more knowledgeable about Thai BL than I am.

emotionallychargedtowel (“towel”) I think I have a pretty good starting question. To what extent is Not Me a singleton* fantasy about twinship vs. an actual portrayal of twinship? What are the most authentic-seeming bits?

*a singleton is a person who was born from a single pregnancy, i.e., someone who isn't a twin, triplet, etc.

porridgefeast (“porridge”) There are definitely aspects that are the bedrock of the story that are singleton fantasy, no question.

towel Personally I think a lot of it is more along the lines of a singleton fantasy but I was surprised by some moments that touched on twin stuff that seldom gets talked about in media.

porridge Much of the time I don't care to scratch below the surface too much on this sort of thing, because I liked that I enjoyed the experience of watching the show. But if I were actively interrogating the show I would have one major question.

towel You know, I was thinking about the whole thing where twinship intersects with romantic and/or sexual relationships in this show, and I realized that when I was thinking about that before it was all about Sean but I was forgetting about Black's girlfriend

porridge And that would be: in Not Me universe, do all twins have psychic connections? Or just some? Or just White & Black?

towel That's a good question. At the very least it doesn't seem like something non-twins are aware of. I guess if it was universal, maybe they would.

porridge Also, I'm guessing they don't have the connection *because of* the earlier near-drowning. Because their parents say something after that along the lines of “We can't let this keep happening.” IIRC

towel I'd have to circle back but I think there was supposed to be some precedent for it before the near-drowning incident. Right!

porridge Is it because they're extra close? Because their parents suck? It just seems like it could be an interesting area to explore. Like, for the show to have explored.

towel That's a good question. My guess is that the show would say that's just their magical connection, but who knows?

One thing that I think appeals to singletons about the psychic twins trope

porridge I think the incredibly vague implication is "because special."

towel If on some level they're thinking of twins as two halves of one person, then it makes intuitive sense that they would be able to communicate their thoughts and feelings. It's sort of like two people with one brain. Like, the fantasy of two people who are separate but also not works better if they communicate their feelings/thoughts.

porridge Yeah, I think twins seem interesting to singletons because they're paradoxical to them—two people who are kind of one person and kind of not.

towel But also it's a fantasy, though not always a pleasant one. A fantasy of oneness but also a fantasy of the horror of...I guess you could say losing one's individuality.

porridge Yeah, it can feel like singletons think twins are exotic but also kind of gross.

towel Oh, definitely. It's funny because it's related to a real struggle that twins have but singletons don't get it at all.

porridge Occasionally it feels like they feel superior. And it's like uh what? Because you're an individual? Guess what, me too.

towel Yeah, I think that's true.

porridge You're just as much a slave to your genetics as I am, bub.

towel Right!

porridge Like, singletons don't have anything I don't have except for a lack of, like, people acting confused at them.

towel I always think about that girl who told me how much she'd always wanted a twin in high school. “Someone just like me, who I'd have everything in common with. We'd never fight.”

porridge Hopefully that person eventually grew up and became less of a goober.

towel Ridiculous but I appreciate that she was so lacking in the filter department that she voiced what I think plenty of singletons think on some level/at some times.

porridge That's one thing about singletons' thoughts about twinship. I get that they haven't examined a lot of their assumptions and of course I can relate to that when it comes to other things in my own life. But you just want to go “Stop. Think about it for literally ten seconds.”

towel So often they clearly haven't. Like that person who asked when my birthday was and then asked when yours was. And was then like, “Wow, what a coincidence!” when I said they were the same. (They figured it out but it took, like, a minute or two)

porridge I think when some singletons put themselves in twins' shoes, they don't put *themselves* in our shoes. They put some imaginary magical twin version of themselves in our shoes.

towel Definitely.

Well, it tends to be really polarized. Either being a twin is this lovely sense of communion with another human being or it's a terrifying thing where someone is going to steal your life

And then there are the times they don't put themselves in our shoes and just find us scary.

porridge I often prefer media depictions of the latter simply because I want so badly to correct for the former. Oh for sure. This is part of why I like that movie Adaptation so much.

towel Though that brings up something that happens in Not Me as well, one singleton actor playing twin characters.

That's something at least. There's a part of me that wants to say, “No more singletons playing twins. Get some danged twins. Or make them fraternal.”

porridge To go back to your question a little. I think the elevator pitch and general concept is a singleton fantasy, but at least some elements of the actual events are more like reality. It felt like somebody actually bothered to think through what that would be like.

towel Yeah, same here.

porridge Like, as I said when I wrote about it, the part where White is like Black won't come back, he's let me have my place in this group and we both know we can't both be part of it.

towel Yeah, there's that quote, “Nobody wants to live in another person's shadow” or something to that effect. I find it both sort of insightful and ridiculous at the same time. Like “everybody knows two twins can't both be in the same activist cell.” Uh, no.

But yeah, sometimes it seems like you can't be in the same space or group in certain ways

porridge Yeah that's not true. It's just that White now has closer relationships with each of those people.

towel And it may be true, though it's almost never entirely clear.

porridge It's not impossible for twins to be part of the same close group, but it's not always easy either. And that's partly because of the people around them.

towel And it depends so much on circumstances. Yes! And the other people involved.

[conversation ensues about people from school trying to get Porridge to make Towel talk less in class]

towel I was thinking about how polarized White and Black are. To me that's a bit of a red flag, when twins are even sort of opposites. And it's not true that White is perfect or that Black is evil but White is mostly right about things, mostly nice, occasionally cranky but that's about it, and Black is very hostile, clearly not in a great mental health place, etc.

They're closer to being all good and all bad than I'd like

porridge Yeah, I may have let that go partly because it wasn't quite as bad as I might have feared. But it's not ideal either.

towel It definitely could be worse. But it reminded me of the "which one are you" thing, which you certainly remember but I'm going to lay it out here for posterity.

"Are you the smart one or the [ableist word for unintelligent] one?" "Are you the nice one or the mean one?" and so forth. I used to blame the Sweet Valley High books and they certainly didn't help, but the twins-as-opposites thing is everywhere.

porridge Being at summer camp and me being "the brave one." I'm not sure what that made you exactly? If the description were correct it would have been "the homesick one," but there wasn't enough subtlety for that. Really it was the one who cries and the one who doesn't cry even when kicked by a horse. But that second part was just because in the fight/flight/freeze department, I'm a freezer.

towel Same, usually. I've tried to figure out why that is so appealing to singletons. My best guess is that maybe they like the idea of splitting a person into good and bad and then running the bad half out of town, so to speak.

It's a bit like that Buffy episode, actually. The Replacement. [There's a monster/wizard dude who wants to turn Buffy into a strong half and a weak half so he can kill the weak half and get rid of her entirely, but he hits Xander with his magic beam thingy instead.] It's worth noting that that's one of the only examples I can think of where instead of having one actor play twins they had Nicholas Brendon's twin brother play his double. I mean, it's one of the only examples I can think of where they had twins play a person and their double.

porridge There's arguably a whole separate treatise to write about the doppelganger concept and why it's compelling.

towel Yep

porridge For whatever reason I don't feel able to touch on it briefly, I can only go full tangent or kind of wave in its general direction.

towel I'm OK with either. I mean, a big part of the doppelganger thing is the fear that if someone resembles you they'll be able to take your entire life away from you.

porridge It's one of those things that has some perceptions-of-twins mixed up in it, but seems more about identity from the POV of singletons than anything else.

Yep. And that's the entire crux of that Buffy episode.

towel I do think their assumptions inform the doppelganger thing and twin stuff in a similar way.

porridge Yeah, it's from the point of view of singletons, thrilling themselves with fear that a nefarious twin could appear.

towel There's also the whole question of, like, if people met your double and did know it wasn't you, what would they be perceiving? How would that work? Do people have some kind of essence to them that we can distinguish?

I mean, obviously in reality the difference would be that person's behavior. And that comes up in Not Me.

porridge Seems like a lost opportunity that AFAIK nobody's ever made a body-snatcher film where a twin is a plot point.

But like I said when I wrote about the show,* as twins we know that people would just think the person they know is being weird for a very long time before they would go to a twin as an explanation. At least if those twins look as much alike as White & Black do.

*Check out the older post Porridge is talking about here.

towel Yeah, that's true. I think if Sean had figured it out sooner that would have really bothered me, for that exact reason.

porridge I mean, I say this as somebody who took ages to realize a friend was psychotic because I was convinced he was just really mad at me for a few months.

towel That's just human nature, though. We keep using the heuristics that worked for us for a long time. And most of the time that's the right thing to do.

porridge All I needed was for somebody to say "So [friend], do you think maybe..." without finishing the question before I was like yes. Shit!

towel When Sean asked if Black had a twin brother, a part of me felt kind of impressed that he figured it out. I can't decide if it's actually realistic or not. Like, would it ever occur to me, if someone started acting really different, that they might have a secret twin?

porridge Even then it was partly because of something somebody else said.*

*Porridge thought she remembered something to this effect, but so far neither of us has been able to track down the quote she remembered, or thought she remembered. But neither of us has fully rewatched Not Me since this discussion, so maybe it's there and we just didn't find it.

towel Still, it's either that Sean was really astute there, to a potentially unrealistic degree, or he had a theory that would have been incredibly dopey except that it happened to be true. I guess it's kind of both? He was astute and the theory would be dopey most of the time.*

*Since this conversation, I (Towel) have had some more thoughts about this that I'll put in another post soon.

porridge I guess that's one area where the implausibility sort of cycles back to making the plot make sense.

towel Heh, right.

porridge It makes more sense that he figured it out because they are so different. That's kind of a fantasy too. Like, "the person who loves me would definitely know if I wasn't me."

That reminds me of something I could ask you.

Wondering if you had a similar reaction to something. When Sean finds White (out of his Black drag), I had an unexpected rush of emotion. I was glad they were going to talk (presumably) with the twin stuff out in the open but it wasn't just that. I almost didn't care about Sean, but the fact that he was seeing White-as-White made it more real that yeah, this is actually White. White is getting to be himself now. It was like gender euphoria I guess only it was individuality euphoria.

towel That's interesting. I think I might try to peek at that scene real quick if that's OK.

porridge I think it was also because prior to that we'd only seen Black for a while.

towel I think I'm almost at the right spot but in the meantime, the recap for the part I pulled up included the whole denying he's a twin thing ("Twin, my ass!") immediately followed by "Stop messing with my little brother!"

Omg, Black's bitchy face when he throws the handcuff key away.

I don't identify with Black a whole lot and he's honestly a bit incoherent as a character, like somebody's pushing faders up and down with his various traits depending on what they need to have happen plotwise. But even though I don't want him to keep White away from Sean & the others I still kinda feel for him there.

That's pretty true. Well, I think they're kind of deciding if he needs to be the opposite right now or if he needs to be someone who cares for White and/or their cause.

porridge Bit of a damn right moment.

towel Yeah, there are a few relatable things there.

Being protective of your twin is real, of course. And he doesn't like Sean and probably has seen a really bad side of him because of how contentious their relationship is. There's also an element of feeling jealous and/or threatened by your twin's romantic relationships, which I found was more of a thing when we were younger. It's something that's pretty embarrassing so it's hard to talk about and I think often gets swept under the rug, but it's real and it's understandable. I wonder if there's a homophobia and/or gender role thing going on there. Like, does Black perceive White as being in a more vulnerable or feminine position in his relationship with Sean and if so does that seem more like Sean is taking advantage of him somehow?

porridge Could be. We know from earlier events that Black is very protective of White.

I don't feel strongly that I know the motivation there.

But I could make one argument for a possible interpretation. It could be that Black wants to protect White from Sean because he doesn't like Sean, but mostly he wants to protect White from their radical activities, keep him away from lawbreaking and risks.

towel It's kind of perfect that when Sean finds White-not-dressed-up-as-Black he not only has his glasses on (which seem to symbolize White being White for a lot of the remainder of the show) but a white t-shirt, something that gets dirty easily and wouldn't hold up well in Black's style of life.

porridge And he could resent Sean that much more as a result for keeping White tied to them in another way.

towel That's true.

porridge That interpretation is sort of optimistic in the sense of giving the writers a lot of credit. But I think it's plausible.

Even if Black isn't consciously homophobic, there's a subtler kind of gender thing / homophobia-lite factor that could be in play. Where that person suddenly seems more vulnerable than if they were with a girl.

towel Yeah, I think so. And I think they may seem more vulnerable than if they were perceived as being "the man" in that relationship

porridge And he's smaller, etc. He's new to the group and to their risk-taking, etc. Bunch of things connect. But of course the gender piece isn't rational or correct. It's just the sort of residue of homophobia that gets in people's brains.

towel I'm trying to remember that meme or whatever it is. About the horror of being known versus...well, the appeal of things that require that you are known

That meme is what came to mind watching this scene where Sean meets White as himself.

porridge One more thing about that scene. I also liked how relieved Sean seems when he learns White's name. That seemed meaningful. No idea how much of that is me looking through my twin lens.

towel I guess it's "the mortifying ordeal of being known." I think White is very much having the mortifying ordeal in that scene. I just went back to the scene and that's where I was, at the point where Sean asks White his name.

It's a remarkable thing to have fallen in love with a person and not to know their real name but you can imagine how much you would want to know.

[discussion of doctoral program practica and names]

porridge Yeah. Watching back a little and a big part of Sean's epiphany is that Black doesn't catch him in a trust fall. Just looks at him like he's an idiot. A big part at that moment; it's clearly a test so he already suspects.

towel Good point. It's remarkable that after Black has already behaved this way he still does that trust fall without holding back.

I thought it was interesting when they had White think, in voiceover, that he was surprised that he could feel so close to Sean, that he thought he could only feel that close to his twin. I go back and forth on what I think about that. I'm not super fond of the comparison because it's such a different type of connection. But I guess I can relate to it in some ways. Especially when you're young, it can be surprising when anyone can be close to you in a way that's even sort of comparable to your twin. Okey doke. How about a silly question to mull over?

porridge Yeah sure

towel If we were in a world that operated under Not Me universe rules

Who would I have to sleep with to make you wake up from a coma? I tried to think of a real [porridge] nemesis and the only person who came to mind was someone who used to work in your office whose name starts with a [letter].

porridge HA

towel I wouldn't go near her with a ten-foot pole except maybe if it would bring you back to life. Works for me!

[Porridge’s answer is somebody she was very close to at one time who she then had a sort of friend breakup with. then we talk about emotionally unavailable people and those who are attracted to them.]

Lemme see here. I was trying to remember what happened with White and Eugene. I spaced out a little at that part and I wonder if it's because I was getting pretty uncomfortable with the idea of White pretending to be Black with Eugene. I think they kissed? And I was like, please get out of this situation. But I think I spaced out on the show in an avoidant way at that point because I can't remember if anything else happened between them or if he got away and if so, how.

porridge He actually drugs her which is not great...

towel Gracious

porridge He's in a position where he's trying to avoid a lot of things while trying to get some information from her about what happened to Black, and he doesn't do anything to her while she's knocked out. But it's not an okay thing to do by any means.

towel I was going to look up the Eugene scene and I went to the window where I had been watching the episode 12 part where Sean sees White as White, and there was an interesting line. Sean said he had had a feeling because Black seemed so different, and White said, "Your feeling was pretty slow!" Kind of resentful that it took him as long as it did, even though at the time he wouldn't have wanted him to figure it out.

porridge If you read between the lines / fill in some blanks yourself you could say that while we saw White being generally relieved the others didn't work out that he's not Black, he wasn't always completely happy about it and about pretending. The more involved he becomes, and certainly the more he cares about Sean and is invested in something between them.

His feelings aren't made apparent after that initial relief.

towel Do you think White kind of gets a bit softer after Black comes back? Like, that he seems to become more of a contrast to Black? Maybe it just seems a bit like that to me because of the contrast. Black coming back also just leads to some emotional scenes, so we see more of Sean doing things like crying as well.

I'm going to mention something for later because I'm scared of forgetting: there were a few times when Black and White broke some "twin rules" I have for myself and I was like, "you can't do that!" but the biggest one was White getting Black's tattoos. They show his arm getting tattooed during the opening credits and every time I'd see it I would cringe so hard. You can't get the same tattoo as your twin unless you get intentional bro tats!

Of course then I found myself thinking about how much harder it would be for me to simulate your tattoos. Not just because there are more of them but because they're much more complex. And I think one might be in the same spot as one of mine?

porridge That to me is so kinda preposterous to begin with that I didn't get to the point where I was like "that's not allowed." A new tattoo doesn't look like an older tattoo so unless Black got his a month ago it's ridiculous.

But I agree, that's against the rules.

towel Oh gosh, I couldn't stop thinking about how his tattoo and the piercings weren't going to look right because they were still healing

In a way, the next day the tattoo might look more correct than it would a week later when you get that layer of skin falling off

porridge To return to your earlier point, it's confusing because if White seems a bit gentler and softer, is that the comparison? Is it an intentional choice among the filmmakers and Gun to contrast them? Did White maybe relax in his efforts to seem like Black once he felt accepted?

Also, maybe White is occasionally grumpy and seems more Black-ish and that has factored in at some points.

It would help if Black were a more nuanced character, though he is SOMETIMES nuanced.

towel I feel like those are all possible. Some of it is just the comparison and the events of the story at the time, but I also think that the writers/director were probably playing up the differences at least to some extent. And as you point out, Gun probably was too.

I feel like Black has the most depth when it comes to Eugene, but it's fleeting and not that nuanced.

porridge Having had an ear piercing since I first saw the show, I feel more like the piercings are plausible because he doesn't change posts. In the case of those, the main thing that would be visible would be some swelling for the first week or two and the gang likely wouldn't notice that.

I'm not sure whether Black has more depth with Eugene or if she's tied with White and Todd for interactions with actual feelings.

Black's Todd-related emotions include a lot of anger and rage, but in a way IMO where you can tell Black has actually let Todd into his world and has confided in him in a way he may not have done with the gang or others in his life. Maybe because they go back so far.

towel That's true. You can see why people ship Black and Todd, write fic about them, etc. I mean, I don't think there's actually something going on there in the show but he feels more strongly about Todd than almost anyone. He shows more emotion interacting with Todd than he does interacting with White.

porridge It feels like he's guarded with White partly out of protectiveness, though it's also clear that he's not eager to open up to White hugely. He cares about White but he really just wants White to do what he says, and hearing more about White's feelings and thoughts won't help with that.

towel Anytime one twin feels responsible for their twin's safety, it's bound to have some big downsides when it comes to their abilities to be emotionally authentic with each other. That's what I associate with it, anyway

porridge And they've been apart, but Black has maintained his childhood scheme for their relationship.

towel Because the person protecting is overloaded (they aren't supposed to have to take on this responsibility) so they're bound to be reactive to the protectee being distressed.

porridge As a protective twin and kinda parentified caregiver toward my twin (at some times in some ways), I didn't want to boss you around but when I felt you were in danger it was incredibly difficult not to feel like I could do anything about it.

towel I know that must be a feeling that comes up a lot--like, the horrible powerless feeling when someone you love is in an abusive relationship.* But I'm sure there are unique aspects of it and a lot of intensity when it's your twin..

I was looking for some other parts of the show to comment on and I found when White sees Black for the first time and I thought it was interesting that he says that unlike all the times he imagined this moment, it's "surprisingly frightening" (I think that was the wording. I find it remarkable that he says it's "like seeing my doppelganger." Because Black isn't the doppelganger. White is! "I stole my brother's entire life and he wanted it back. Such a doppelganger.")

*I (Towel) was in an abusive relationship for most of my 20s. Naturally, this was really hard for Porridge.

porridge You're right, but that experience (as I imagine it, having not gone more than like 9 months without seeing my own twin) would be uncanny to anybody in a way where you would lose all perspective about like recent events.

towel That's true. I guess I feel like the narrative kind of lets White off for his actions a little too much. I mean, his replacing-Black actions. There's very little time spent on the fact that Black doesn't like that he did that and it's not like he had his consent. His motivation to protect his brother matters but it doesn't negate everything completely. And of course Todd is nudging him along the whole way because it's in his interest for the anti-Tawi stuff to continue.

porridge I get what you're saying but I don't think that’s in service of making White out to be so perfect, I think it's more about keeping the narrative clean. There's a hypothetical version of the show that uses that to interesting ends.

towel I guess it just seems kind of lazy to me, or convenient

porridge And Black does tell White that the others won't want him around once they discover he's been lying to them. And White thinks (voiceovers) the same about Sean specifically.

towel I'm probably more interested in those implications because I'm actually a twin.

It's kind of wild how readily they're okay with it, the group, I mean. Maybe people are more likely to forgive that sort of thing if your twin is a huge butthole.

porridge If I wanted to explain that I would say that on some level they already knew.

towel I was wondering what you thought about the whole separating twins as children thing. I'll explain just a bit.

You pointed out that it doesn't really make sense for White's and Black's parents to think that separating them is going to change their psychic connection and I agree. There's no justification for that. But it reminded me of other ideas about how somehow twins being "too" close is going to be bad for them. I forget if I sent you a link to that recent article* but I remember I definitely shared a passage from it. This woman is kind of musing about her relationship with her twin and some of it is kind of self-indulgent but there are some good bits, and my favorite is where she talks about separation.

She talks about this case where an adoption agency separated a bunch of twins and adopted them out to families, never telling the families or the kids that they had twins. And there was a researcher kind of in cahoots with them who interviewed the families and the kids over the years to observe them, looking at the twinship angle but pretending it was for other purposes. It's all incredibly unethical.

But the justification was that being dependent on one another is unhealthy so twins are better off apart.

I wonder if that's part of what singletons find scary about twins. Maybe it would be better to say it’s a thing that scares them when they see it (or think they see it) in twins. And that's dependency, or more accurately, interdependence. Of course, that's kind of a culture-bound reaction. But in an individualistic culture like we have in the U.S., being sort of born into an interdependent relationship could seem horrifying.

*The article I'm referencing here is Giving Away My Twin by Jean Garnett, which came out on 7/10/23 in the New Yorker

porridge That's horrible. Would be even if they were non-twin siblings.

towel Yeah. Some of the saddest examples were from a book by Anna Freud's partner* talking about kids she observed when they ran a place for kids who were sent out of London during the Blitz.

*Anna Freud's partner's name was Dorothy Burlingham and her book was called Twins: A Study of Three Pairs of Identical Twins with 30 Charts

porridge The thing is, and I'm not saying there isn't any closeness kind of inherent to twinship. But yeah, any siblings can be closely dependent but when you add that to the appearance of twins people get wigged out.

Though I do know of kids being punished for being too close to their siblings, referred to negatively because of it, etc. Non-twin siblings.

towel I do think that being the same age increases the chances of being close or relying on one another.

porridge Yeah I don't discount that.

towel But yeah, it could happen at other ages and is totally penalized in some families.

porridge But I'm saying do the people outside that relationship perceive the additional closeness or do they just perceive closeness plus twin appearance

towel I do think that they overestimate it a lot based on twins looking similar.

But it gets kind of chicken-and-egg there, because part of what makes you closer is everyone treating you like you're a) weird, b) a unit with this other person, c) unbelievably similar to them, etc. Like, you know that closeness is expected, and you can get excluded by others because of their perceptions of your twinship.

Well, I was going to say that separating twins for no reason like that adoption agency is something I think most people would find disturbing. And separating twins the way White and Black were separated would probably seem like a bad idea to a lot of folks. But there are smaller examples of this that are really normalized. Like, I remember feeling really surprised, almost startled, when I found out that there's no empirical basis for [the idea that it’s] better for twins to be in different classes at school.

And I really think that became a convention because of that thing where twins being close--or just the prospect that they might be--freaks singletons out.

Maybe even more so when you're talking about adults who are considering a set of twin children. I know in our family of origin it was sometimes implied or even directly stated that our relationship somehow undermined the parents' authority.

And that's sad, because what you're talking about is children’s ability to provide each other comfort. Like, these are adults who basically resent that you have an ally who will make it harder to break your spirit.

porridge And you shouldn't be dependent on your children being ineffectual to parent.

towel Well, I think it's interesting how their separation is dealt with in the show. I'm tempted to go back and look at that part again, actually.

It's both treated as more and less of a big deal than I expected.

Like, it's not treated like it's nothing, which I think they could easily have done. But if they were going to acknowledge that it was painful, I wish they'd acknowledge it more.

At this point we got sidetracked and trailed off. Of course, this post is long enough as it is! That said, I do have some additional thoughts about Sean figuring out the twin thing, as I noted above. I'll be posting about that soon. And I wouldn't be surprised if Porridge and I end up having other thoughts about all of this down the road.

[ceekbee]

Priceless. Danke!!!! Great response from Belgium 🇧🇪🩷

--‐-------------------------

Oh, merci beaucoup, America! 🇺🇸

Because apparently, without you, all of Europe would be goose-stepping its way through history class right now—according to the White House’s very own Press Secretary, Nazi Barbie, Karoline Leavitt.

Karoline, Belgium here. You know, that tiny country you probably couldn’t find on a map without Google Earth and divine intervention? Yeah, hi. We just wanted to say thanks—for the history lesson nobody asked for. Because without America, we’d all be speaking German? Sweetheart, a third of Belgium already does. We multitask over here. Three national languages, fluent sarcasm, and enough beer varieties to drown an empire. What can you do? Oh right, mispronounce “croissant.”

And about showing up in WWII—huge congrats on that whole saving Europe thing. After, you know, sitting on the sidelines for the first six years while Europe burned. . But sure, kick in the door at the eleventh hour, bring the fireworks, and then act like you hosted the whole party. Classic.

Here’s a little perspective from the Belgian side: while your grandfathers were storming the beaches in ‘44 (respect), ours were being flattened again, because apparently, Belgium’s favorite hobby is getting invaded every twenty years. So yeah, we get it. Grateful? Sure. Eternally in your debt? Relax.

And while you’re patting yourselves on the back, we’re over here perfecting the art of living well. You know—real beer. None of that watery nonsense. We brew Trappist ales so strong they come with a warning label. Chocolate? Ours is so good your Swiss cousins cry into their fondue. Fries? We invented them. That’s right—Belgian fries. And they’re served with mayo, not freedom.

And since we’re swapping historical favors, here’s a little reminder: without France, you’d still be British. Yeah. If it weren’t for French troops, French ships, and a French king footing the bill, you’d still be pledging allegiance to the crown and calling it football. So maybe, just maybe, ease up on the lectures about who should be grateful to whom. Lafayette didn’t cross the Atlantic for this nonsense.

But here’s the thing: we are allies. We have been for a long time. Shoulder to shoulder in the trenches, on the beaches, in NATO briefings, and everything in between. So maybe it’s time to act like allies—mutual respect, shared history, and all that good stuff. Not condescending lectures from someone who confuses diplomacy with a cheerleading routine.

Meanwhile, we’ll be over here in Brussels—running the EU, drinking beer older than your country, eating chocolate that could end wars, and juggling three languages before you finish your morning Pop-Tart.

So yes, Karoline: dank u wel, merci, and danke schön for the unsolicited reminder. Now go touch some grass. Or at least try a Chimay. You need it.

Thank you Christina Witvrouwen

[karliahs]

11, 17, and 29 for ao3 wrapped!!

ty for the ask!! <3

11. What work took you the longest to write?

in terms of total time elapsed between starting and finishing: break something, started on 10th june & posted on 2nd november. 5 months, but most of that time was letting it simmer & not actually actively working on it

in terms of total amount of time spent writing, a soft place to land by a mile. I started it on 4th august & finished posting on 28th september - so 2 months instead of 5, but that was a solid 2 months of working on it the entire time (and also I didn't let myself work on anything else throughout, because I was weirdly anxious I wouldn't finish this one if I let myself do other stuff)

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

hmmm I really liked writing about ren/joker/his 18 other names! there's a lot of blank space to fill in there, and a lot of interesting consequences of the way p5's narrative slots him into that protagonist role...and it's fun to ignore that context and write about the weird guy he then ends up being from a purely in-universe perspective

wildcard fave of the year was akechi. I never thought I'd do akechi POV, but it's very fun to write from the perspective of someone who is perpetually lying both to themselves and other people. I literally went through afterwards and counted up all the lies he tells in those fics. delightful

if I am honest though, actual fave has (as always) gotta be aizawa. he is just so fun to write both from the outside (I am literally never tired of having POV characters try to work out what he is thinking and feeling), and also the inside of his head is such a perfect cocktail of issues and strangeness and tenderness to me. I have been marinating in thoughts about him for literally 6 years now and it's unlocked new parts of my brain fr

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

it'ssss my 700 word panic attack in testing, testing again. here is a passage:

Izuku drags thin useless air slowly, slowly, into his lungs. He pushes it back out, for long dizzying seconds while his brain howls at him. It’s not enough, it’s so much less than he needs, it’s like pouring sand down his throat and expecting it to quench his thirst.  But Izuku has walked these halls before. He knows that if he gives in to what his body is crying out for, breathes as fast as his instincts scream at him to, it leads him to a place he doesn’t know how to come back from: hunched in a supply closet, losing feeling in his hands and feet, breath high and useless in his lungs. Wondering if he’s about to pass out, if the kids who come looking for him to push him around some more will find him lying here: an object, a spectacle. Someone who can’t do the things everyone else can do, not even breathe.  Izuku loses himself in the memory, loses his concentration on the miserably slow drag of his inbreath and feels his head swim, numbness spreading through his hands. No. One job. Air in: slow, paltry, like drowning. Air out: steady, measured, agonising. 

but honourable mention to this section from break something, because the last line makes my chest hurt every time I read it and I do not know what that's about:

And the rest of them: Midoriya’s agonised delirium, the wreck of his arms no less horrible for it not being the first time. Yaoyorozu trying to be brave with blood dripping down her forehead. The uninjured ones clustered around, humming with adrenaline that had nowhere to go. Guilt in their faces, like it was somehow a failure to be whole and standing when their friends were poisoned and bloodied and stolen away. Reeling at how fast you could lose someone, how they could vanish whole and entire from your world between one breath and the next.

[roocomehome]

hey rooo 😝 4-6 for the editing questions!

gatekeeping this post under the cut, it got lengthy 🤧🤧

4: If you can remember, why did you start editing?

Okay, so this may be a little off topic, but it still talks about editing LMFAO but I started editing mainly cuz one day I saw Minimooberrys renders and was like WOW okay, I want to learn to do THAT and editing, so she was a MASSIVE inspiration for me to start, not only that but I also watch solitasims and lovvvvvveeeddddd her stuff, and wanted to do what she did but mix in editing :) (I think that answers the question, idk I guess like, I've always wanted to edit, but more importantly the want to learn how to render and also do storytelling in TS4 helped motivate me to start editing if that's a better answer)

5: if you caption your edits, what do you decide to put in the caption?

I tend to keep the caption relatively clean (tags are where you get my reaction and shit LMAOO), if you take Leo and Roos posts for example, they're song related, so I'll put some lyrics that I think correlate to them and the scenes placed in the post ("and then you looked right back and caught my stare"), or sometimes scenes not necessarily mentioned in the post, but can be heavily implied or just assume occur ("It's really nice to talk to you, it's really nice to hold your hands," which implies that they talk a lot and that they do hold hands a lot, whether it be romantic or platonic 🤧). There's other situations where I don't have a song (tbf the Reo posts were the first posts where I did put songs agsiabs), like the valentines day prep posts, I just put "valentines day preparations: [sim perspective]", or like in earlier NSB posts, I just put prev / next cuz idfk what to put in the caption. With more recent posts, ive been trying to caption the posts with something related to the characters (like cataleyas drowning post, where it basically lays out the metaphor for the post, which is "too much love from the wrong person").

6: give us a quick breakdown of your editing process

WOW okay, LMAOO well, I'm gonna have to whip out my laptop for this one

For Cas shots: Usually i put cas shots together, so first thing I do is import the images I want to use in a 6000 by 3000 canvas (to preface: I do all my CAS ss in the dimensions 3000 by 3000), and I usually choose from a few mental presets, two headshots and a body shot, two head shots and a half body shot, three body shots, and theres more to list but im not gonna do all that LMFAO so after that, I place them in their positions and then erase the black background (which DOES get tedious when two screenshots sorta overlap and have to make sure theres no black left around the sim), after that incredibly tedious and unnecessarily long process, sometimes I play around with flipping the character around (in the case of two head shots and one body/half body shot, I make the headshots face toward each other, so basically headshot > body shot < headshot- if that makes sense), although that can be placed anywhere in the editing process sometimes I do it earlier on or later on doesnt really matter lmao. Around this point, its just final touches, looking for weird shadows (which is USUALLY more prominent in blender renders, but it can happen), places where shadows look a little too sharp, and cleaning up those spots. For the VERY VERY final touches, I use sharpen and depending on the shot, contrast or saturation, I sometimes use the hue tool to make a certain color brighter or a different color, however I avoid the latter because it creates a weird effect on the picture, the sharpen tool is important for this part, because I tend to make the sharpen effect stronger on closer shots (head shots), or i dont change settings that much for decently faraway shots (half body shots) and i try to make full body shots to not have SUPER strong sharpen, but i tend to go on the lower end for full body shots aisuhdg

For in game screenshots: This is a bit different, so I import the screenshot that I'm using into a 3840 by 2160 canvas (the size the screenshot was taken with), depending on the shot i may add text, the font i use is Walter Turncoat (in most instances, they vary for different posts lmao), I make sure to color the text depending on whos talking or whats going on, a good example is in the catty drowning post and VDAY prep post, I dont do "[character]: [text]", i like the element of figuring out whos speaking (EVEN if it can be frustrating for me), i try not to make it too challenging to figure out, around my level of reading comprehension (/j), so like Catty is pink, calico is yellow, etc etc. I dont use as much sharpen with these shots since theyre clean as is. A lot of my shots like Gifs are pre-planned and thus is a different story, but in short I usually just edit the gif frames as usual and then put them together later. I also have a custom set of black bars to put around my screenshots bc even tho i do use reshades black bars, sometimes bloom or DOF messes with them, and have to put a clean set above them. I dont really know what to say that is quick, I guess for more "complex" shots, like with moodlets or text messages, i just get the assets online and then edit them for myself 😭

and LASTLY, for renders: Trying to keep this short, I usually just do what I do for the aforementioned shots, but like I said in the CAS shots, weird and sharp shadows are more prominent and I just edit those to make them cleaner and then also just add sharpen and make it brighter or more contrast-y idk 🤧

[i-belong-in-a-retirement-home]

"I have already picked groups for your project."

HEY LOOK, I DECIDED TO ACTUALLY WRITE!!!

This is going to be the actual beginning for my omegaverse InuKag fic. I'm gonna call it "Just One Kiss" for future reference. Anything I post under this will be tagged as both "an a/b/o inuyasha fanfic" and "Just One Kiss Fanfic" Other ficlets I previously posted are already under the former tag! :)

This little ficlet sneak peak is roughly 450 words. Just some characterization and premise stuff. This scene is from InuYasha's perspective. Some mild language, idk

Class was too early for InuYasha to care. He had been up late dealing with his on and off girlfriend Kikyo. He had missed out on several hours of sleep, so he laid his head down to try and get a nap in before class started. Instead of sleeping though, his head spun around Kikyo.

I don't even know why she called me… could have been a broken nail, given all the dumb crap she apparently needs to tell me. I need to stop answering her late night calls.

Groaning to himself, InuYasha picked his head up off the desk as the bell rung. The teacher started with introductions, explained the goals of the class and such. About ten minutes in though, two girls came stumbling through the door.

"Oh! Sorry miss! The bell was broken! We didn't know where the class was!" they fumbled. The woman held up a hand to pause them and gestured to the empty desks.

The teacher said something about her late policy, but InuYasha heard none of it. Right next to him sat the prettiest girl he had ever seen, Kagome Higurashi. There was no getting close to her though, thanks to her jackass boyfriend Koga. The fool hated InuYasha, admittedly, InuYasha hated him too. But it had been so long that neither of them could even remember why. Since, Koga fought him on sight, InuYasha had watched from a far for close to four years.

She was the closest he had ever come to a goddess. The gentle curve of her lips, the flutter of her warm, caramel eyes, enthralled him. Worse of all though, her scent.

While it was slightly suffocated by Koga’s disgusting scent, it still ebbed off her like a tsunami. A mix of honey, and cherries, and a something he could never quite put a finger on. It was intoxicating, drowning him in the sweetness.

And now she's sitting next to me. How the hell am I supposed to focus?

He could already feel a knot building in his stomach. It begged him to shove his face into her for even more of her glorious scent. So instead of acting on the ridiculous thought, InuYasha tried to casually cover his nose and turn back to the teacher.

"The majority of you grade in the class will rely on a group project that you will work on throughout the semester. As this is a Government class, we will run a mock election. You will have to put forth a candidate from each group and run a mock campaign," she stated. "As I don't want to waste any time, I have already assigned groups. Once you are in your groups, the rest of the class period will be spent getting to know your group."

[grinwolfe]

TLDR: yep, it's a problem. Best we can do is adopt and adapt to Ai.

I'm doing a degree in compsci right now and I agree. The cat is out of the bag. Ai is a tool that can do some really amazing things but right now it's being utilized for profit from bad actors or just theft. The next 2-3 years are going to be very hard for creatives because that's how long it will take to pass legislation to create a framework to wrangle AI use. And due to legal framework on the internet being all patchwork (which country is the company based in? where are it's servers located?) Legislation passed in one part of the world may not affect you depending on which websites you frequent (the USA is an exception due to it's large number of companies and servers on its soil).

The (good?) news is private companies will often follow the most restrictive internet laws if they want their business to be wide reaching. On the flip side, if you violate internet law from a certain country on a server/business in that same country, you may be extradited to face prosecution - may, because sometimes laws are unjust and your government may ignore the request (looking at Iran.) I'm just learning about all of this right now so it's fresh in my head.

Where does this leave artists and AI right now? Nowhere, there's no laws or protections yet. Perhaps in the future we will be able to curb what people do on the internet but we have never and will never be able to control what people do on their private devices. Perhaps in the future we will create a 'blue check mark' of artists and content creators that certify they're human and it is their stuff. Perhaps that will be undermined by new tactics/hacking/rampant AI drowning content out. Perhaps we will restrict AI LLM models with licensing and traceability. If they put a price tag on licensing, people will steal it and crack programs open and remove the tracing to avoid copyright laws, putting us back at square one. There are solutions to this problem but it will require radical new perspectives and novel tactics to design and enforce. Everything is work, nothing will settle into net positive system on it's own.

In passing I've heard about nightshade, but I don't know if it actually works. I suspect the enthusiasm for 100% Ai created art will die down after its novelty has worn off, but Ai produced art will remain. It will likely become a staple tool for digital artists of the future, creating graphic designers who do more curating and modifying than creating something from scratch (taste and aesthetics is a learned skill that comes from a constantly evolving culture, not something an Ai can understand ...for now.)

My advice is: don't avoid the technology. Learn it inside and out. Use it in experiments. Don't refuse to use this tool, because the people who want to profit off you absolutely will and it's not going away. Use it to your advantage. Keep looking for ways to protect your work. Use Ai to drown the internet in your intentional work that's produced at faster speeds. Or don't, maybe find a way to create things that the Ai just can't. Once upon a time commercial signage was produced all by the hand of artists. Now we have graphic designers designing and producing the work of 100 artists. The arms race of technology versus arts & trades has been going on for a long time, and likely will continue to. As an artist and someone learning code, we have got to adapt or we will be left behind because nobody is going to protect us from innovation.

Also, universal basic income is going to become a must to deal with Ai productivity going off the charts.

I think the best way to fight this AI shit is just to support actual creators. The cat's out of the bag with AI; our data's going to be taken and used without our consent whether we like it or not, so maybe we should put efforts into holding up those who create their own stuff. Comment/interact on people's writings and art. Make it worth them posting; make it clear that what the people are interested in isn't generated stuff, but things that people have actually done themselves. It's a drop in the ocean, but showing creators that it's them that deserve the support at least serves to cut off a tiny bit of oxygen to these AI hogs - and make a difference to creatives who are trying against hope to share with a community.

[natgoodmans]

Hi! I'm glad you had a great time with your friend while you were visiting here! But I also missed you a little bit. Did you guys get to do anything else fun? It's hard for me to tell what to do either since I really don't travel or vacation much. I'm sorry you got food poisoning..that sounds horrible, and had an awful time with your Lyft driver. That actually happened to me last time I was there to see a show. I didn't get to see any shows either yet but i'm glad you're going to see Hamilton! I was a little sad cuz we missed it 3 times now but it's okay. The tickets are pretty expensive and I stupidly didn't think it would sell out or anything. I've been thinking about the musical a lot because of it and I also can't believe it's been 10 years! I'm not even the biggest Hamilton fan or anything, but I love that it got more people into theater and it was sort of the first big Broadway musical I was actually into, and maybe my first cast recording without watching a bootleg and just hearing the full musical the first time lol. I'm pretty sure the first Tony's I watched was the year before though. Do you have any memories about it? I wasn't even sure you liked it or not, but I do think it would be a cool musical to watch and I hope you have fun. You'll have to tell me how it is!

I do sometimes notice differences in the rerecordings but not really..as much as other people complain about. I don't notice the production as much, but I do notice less emotion in some songs. Hmm that makes sense with TTPD..I almost felt the opposite, I liked it pretty quickly but that started to decrease the more I listened to it. I think it could have to do with what you're saying about her personal life for sure. I don't really see that with the anthology as much and could be why I prefer some songs. Some of the name stuff just threw me off I think. Like with a song like The Bolter, Aimee and Peter, I thought it was just stories or something idk and none of them really seemed that connected to her real life. I find it sort of odd when people take things so literally as well..like something from her life, the drowning in water or whore lyrics. But I also just have some issues with some parts of certain songs when I normally would like it. I like the ideas of the song or it's a song I should like but dislike how she did it. I don't understand why lyrics in the Bolter talks so much about the guys perspective when I don't relate to it or like it for that reason. It reminds me a lot of YOYOK without that part of it though. I get the point of Robin and Peter, how it has to do with lost youth, something I relate to, and I should like the song more, but I just don't. I like the bridge and message of the manuscript but don't like the verses about older guys since that's not what I would relate to..so idk. Omg Why don't you like Cassandra? I knew what that would be about already and I do like it..the mashup with Mad woman and IDSB worked so well! Fortnight, Florida and But Daddy I love him felt kinda like stories to me too or just a vibe. I don't really get My Boy, cuz that's not something someone would really say..it feels weird and reminds my sister of the Barbie movie lol. I definitely do the fictional characters thing and that's what I meant when I said I try to give different meanings. The Bolter actually reminds me of one of my favorite characters in a favorite book as well and I actually was relating some of it to the Outsiders for a while and it fit kinda well. I can explain more in detail but I don't want you to think I'm weird haha. Anyway I will send more in a part two!sorry it's just cuz I try to respond whenever I can and underestimate how long it sometimes takes.

hi my sweet friend!! so sorry it has taken so long for me to reply, again. i feel like i'm just cursed to be the world's slowest penpal at this point 😭 this is the first time all week i've had a chance to properly sit down but please know that i always see your messages and smile when i get them!

we did do a lot of fun things in california — i really love san francisco & san jose (have very fond memories of both, since my aunt used to live in san jose and now lives over in livermore & i grew up visiting her pretty often). we got into sfo around 9 am, and then after a very interesting lyft incident that may or may not have featured a bird in a glovebox (whole story, i can elaborate if you want!) we checked into our hotel and then took the bus to the presidio!! i just think it's so so stunning, and one of my friends is a huge star wars nerd so i wanted to show her the yoda fountain/the lucasfilm headquarters, and my other friend loves the outdoors so i thought it'd be a good place to take them! so we did a little trek up to the golden gate overlook and then spent far too much on postcards at the welcome center + at roundhouse! we were supposed to see waitress that night, but because we were all exhausted + one of my friends got motion sick, we decided to skip it (which i do think was a smart move, although it made me a bit sad to do so — especially since i'm not sure if i'll be able to see waitress in seattle). the next day we just did a bus tour (which was honestly a little boring to me because i've been to california so much + have done all the touristy stuff but that was okay! neither of my friends had been to san francisco before so it was fun for them) and then walked around fisherman's wharf/pier 39. our third day we had breakfast and then public transported our way over to san jose! i explored the san jose museum of art and then my friends and i met back up for dinner (had the best dumplings) and then went to an AHL game! and then the next day i met up with another friend who lives in the area and we did an escape room (so so fun, it was time travel themed) and then my friends and i met back up again and had dinner and then went to an NHL game! and then our last morning there (our flight was at 3pm) we went back to the same escape room place and i did another escape room with the two friends i went to (this one was art heist themed and was SOOOO fun). so a lot packed in a few days but very, very fun!

tickets are so expensive which is crazy to me! it's been like ten years! why is it still so expensive! i saw it twice back when it was here in seattle (once with my cousin, and once with my mom) and thought it was cool; it's been really neat to see how much people who aren't normally into musical theatre love it. my friend who wanted to see it isn't a musical theatre person so i really hope they like it!!

i think i love the idea of robin and the lyrics of robin a lot more than i do the actual song? if that makes sense. i actually can't pinpoint why i don't like cassandra, because it feels like a song i'd love but i just ... skip it every time. and yes! definitely interested in hearing about it in relation to the outsiders; i always love hearing your thoughts and takes on things!

[rebelfell]

I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you sad. I'm also on my period right now and yeah, the tiniest thing can set me off so easily. It's just that I've been reading your writing for a while now and I wish I could write as well as you. I'm always blown away by the writers in this fandom. You all write such high quality stuff and most of you don't even write for a living and that's insane to me. No lie, the stories I read on here are better than published writers. Long story short, I don't feel anywhere near good enough to post any of my WIPs but I'm trying to teach myself by reading more. I feel like I'm yet to find my style of writing. Most of the time I fall into the trap of trying to match someone else's style just because I like it. Idk, it's my own fault that I'm drowning in feelings of being inferior to other writers on here. But I am trying to work my way through it!

Ohhhh nonny, I’m giving you the biggest hug rn. We’re gonna have to have a talk under the cut 😅

Because I have felt EVERYTHING you described, as recently as the last five minutes. Idk if I’ll ever not feel it, you know? Part of that is just me, but it’s also being a writer—or any kind of artist.

I too am blown away by how much talent this little corner of the internet is bursting with. And when I started reading fics, I feel like I could sorta tell when I was imitating or trying to imitate the writers I admired the most.

And I think there’s something to that?

Obviously, you don’t want to copy anybody— but the way you get better at tennis is by playing people who are better than you. Because it allows you to change the way you play to play like them, and then your style of play evolves from there?

I think everyone thinks they could be better, or wishes they could write certain things the way someone else does? At least I hope so 😅

I don’t even *really* believe I write well? I’m fully convinced I’ve just learned how to arrange words in a pleasing way that sounds nice, and that fools people into thinking it’s good. And if you wait to feel like you’re good enough, or like you know your style, you might never start.

So by that logic…you should just go for it!

Easier said than done, I know, but there are writers on here who have older, hugely popular stories that they’ve said they would go back and do totally differently! But that doesn’t make what they originally wrote bad.

They just would be coming at it from a different perspective because they’ve changed. Your style and your voice are always going to be changing and altering and expanding because YOU are always doing the same.

[ladynecropolis]

with permission from op, I'll make a couple counterclaims

firstly, on the subject of charlie pace, I'll preface this by saying it's entirely plausible I'm very biased about him; he's my favorite character, and has been since I first saw the show. he means a lot to me personally, and I'm highly opinionated about him.

op, your point about the mishandling of his addiction subplot is very valid; they could have done a lot better with his recovery story arc, and I have no argument with you here. but I'll say that to claim his ending isn't right for that reason (to paraphrase your original post, claiming that his only means of forgiveness/redemption lies in self sacrifice) is...very reductive of his character arc, I feel. it doesn't feel fair to say that his sacrifice was about forgiveness or even redemption. his character arc is a lot more complex than simply redeeming himself of the mistakes he's made (such as being an addict or being kind of a bitch). theres multiple points I have about this; for starters, I think ending his character arc with that massive sacrifice is honestly the best possible ending for him. from day one he's characterized as being incredibly self absorbed, desperate for attention, and often having selfish motivations (see: in s1, when someone was going to drown, and he refused to help just because he didn't want to get his drugs wet. you could argue that this has to do with the addiction thing, but if it hadn't been that, I think it probably would've been something else.) so giving him this character arc where he becomes the sort of person who would sacrifice everything just for the chance he might save these people...it's important. to me, at least. and when you consider how much of his character—his storyline—is about how much he wants to be able to save someone. we see this with his relationship to claire a lot in particular, but just...generally, he's this guy who wants to be one of the protectors, someone who can help. he wants to save somebody because, I think at least, he's known for a very long time (even before desmonds You're Gonna Die Charlie spiel) that he can't be saved. even if he wants to be. so to have him die trying to protect his friends. to have him make that decision deliberately, no less. it's important. and it's so much more than just saying that someone like him can't be redeemed in any other way than death. we know lost is beyond that, anyway—just take a look at ben linus.

as for him being a dick though...I can't really argue with that. he is a dick. but that's part of why I love him! he's insufferably annoying and frequently selfish. it points to a lot of interesting stuff about his character beneath the surface.

and secondly, on the subject of despen...again. bias! I love despen. theyre my favorite pairing on the show. but I'd like to say that, honestly, again...your take felt very reductive of pennys character

which is fine, I guess—she's barely even a side character, in the grand scheme of things, and yeah, was definitely created with the Let's Give Desmond a Tragic Backstory idea in mind. but, i don't know, i like her. her character fascinates me, and her relationship to desmond is a personal favorite. I could go on and on about that, but I'd specifically like to comment on your Waiting Lover archetype point...I don't think thats the case, really. at all. I mean, she's not waiting. she takes an incredibly active role in the story, actually—I mean, her presence is felt in her search for him. that's like, a very important part of this whole thing. she didn't stop. she didn't wait for him. she actively, purposefully went out of her way to find him, for three years. honestly, if anything, desmonds the Waiting Lover—it's just easier to say that penny is because we see the story through desmonds eyes. but from pennys perspective, desmond may as well be a damsel in distress awaiting rescue. what's important to me about despen is the decisions penny wound up making about it. which is to say, her hunt for him. and to your point about desmonds tendency to listen to widmore over penny, I think thats an interesting and important part of it all as well. because again, look at this through pennys perspective—there's the heartbreak of having the person you thought might listen to you listen to your father instead. she had that decision made over her head, and thats why it's important to me when she decides to set off and find desmond anyway. she's not letting anybody tell her what to do here, not even him. i do think she has a personality, quite a bit of it in fact, it's just that the writing of the show prioritizes desmonds perspective, which, I mean. I can't blame you for not being able to care too much about pennys perspective of it, because this show is...really bad about its female characters. but I do think she has a lot of potential as a character, and her relationship to desmond is very important to me. plus, I love the tragedy of leaving and being left behind, and the drama of a bittersweet reunion—can you blame me?

and thirdly, i...have nothing to add about your third answer. you're absolutely right. they handled micheal and walt agregiously, and those characters deserved far better. it's one of the most frustrating/disappointing things about the show for me.

thanks for giving me the opportunity to share, op! you managed to touch on the two things im most opinionated about in one post, so I had to say something, lol

7, 13, and 17 for the salty asks!

thank u for taking pity on me 🌷🌷😂 i just love sending&answering asks 😊

okay, let's gooo! let's see these salty asks!

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

Yep! I was a huuuge Charlie Pace fan, like he was my second favourite character, I just liked him a lot! On a 20-years-later rewatch though? Ahem, well! Turns out that I don't really like Charlie after all. I found myself making too many excuses for the things I didn't like in his character so eventually I had to give up ad admit defeat: Charlie is a bit of a dick. Ngl, I think the writers didn't handle the drug addiction storyline particularly well. I dunno, I find his arc too all over the place, not to mention that its finale message is so dark: if you follow the "recovery" storyline then you have a character who can't really recover, the only way to be "forgiven" is through self-sacrifice which... dangerous message. If you follow the "Charlie is a dick not bc of drugs but bc of his personality + backstory" then you also have the story of a character that can't  be "saved" bc he's "inerehently" off-putting and weird and a bit of a dick, which is also a dangerous message.

I'm not trying to be a moralist but the show does have, at time, a very evangelical vibe that I feel like I need to go against it and say my piece about it, lol. Incidentally, I think this is also why the show definitely toned down (read: did its best to make us forget about it) Jack's suicidality, drug AND alcohol abuse. If you connect the dots the final message of the show is absolutely bone-chilling.

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

I think Desmond and Penny's love story is... okay, ig. I used to see their love story as the epitome of all love stories but on rewatch it's just... okay. I know, I know, EYE know... it's all very Odyssey-coded and I do like that a lot but... it's also very male-centric and, ngl, I don't understand why Des is so hung up on getting Charles' approval. I mean, YES he has big issues with masculine figures of authority, that much is clear, but why? You gotta give me a reason, brotha. On Penny's side... look, I understand that her name is Penelope but is she a character or an archetype? The Waiting Wife/Lover has to have a personality too and you gotta write it bc I can't do your job as well, writers. Lol.

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

I would have completely changed Michael and Walter's stories in S3. Not sure how, maybe I would've killed off Michael while he was trying to save his son and Walt was left to live with the Others like Alex did (he wouldn't know Michael was killed by them or something). I dunno, I'm spitballing now but I'm furious with how they've handled their story. Look, writing children is difficult bc the actors obviously grow up more rapidly than the story but still... they kinda forgot about him while Michael "becoming" Kevin Johnson doesn't make an ounce of sense. Me not like at all. I wouldn't want Michael to die/be killed at all but I understand that, in his case, sacrificing himself for his son DOES make sense bc his story is a story about a HUUUGE sacrifice done in the name of his son's well-being and it's complex and hard and difficult to watch but it's  also so raw and real. I just hate how they introduced something so good and then turned it into something so bad.

thank u so much for this ask, i'm not thinking about 3000 more things about this show hahahah 😘